Chaos & order

Shadowboxer

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 02:21:33 GMT

I despise men at this point in my life. Especially the one I am technically still married to and cannot get far enough away from. The divorce papers have been filed, but how to file away the anger still yet remains "to-do". I am so done with the blame, the resentment, the self-loathing mind tricks this man does with my head. And I let him! How can he work his way into my head to the point to where I feel like I can explode in other way but by my own admittance. I begin to hate myself for that. Then I don't eat. Then I turn it inwards. This relationship is ending, our love lost. I must find myself again, I must regain the strength he has slowly drained from me.

Get through today

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:12:42 GMT

Goal today: Get through today. I am so overwhelmed recently with all I have to do in order to get my life back, I am trying to focus just on today. Today it will be sunny heere, so that should help lift my spirits. I am going to try to not obsess about what I have or have not eaten all day and think positive! Wow- that little pep talk really did me no good. I think I just need more coffee.

The first day

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 02:43:57 GMT

I am happy to say I have started my own live journal. I do this all the time at home, and now-hopefully I can connect with others who can relate to me or understand me. I am at a crossroads in my life. I think everyone meets at a crossroad of some kind throughout there life. My crossroad has no signs, no clues as for the direction I should take and it is very dibilitating. I have ana/mia, well really-it has me. I say i have it. But literally it has me. I am also bi and unable to relate to straight girls who cannot appreciate the beauty of a woman. I am filing for divorce from my husband of 6 years. I am alone.